Reclaiming Conversation, By Sherry Turkle

Page 4: "...we have become accustomed to a constant feed of connection, information, and entertainment."

Page 7: "Mobile technology is here to stay... We can both redesign technology and change how we bring it into our lives."

Page 9: "I hear a desire for distraction, comfort, and efficiency."

Page 10: "Solitude reinforces a secure sense of self, and with that, the capacity for empathy."

Page 16: "...we now rarely give each other ou full attention... we forget how unusual this has become, that many young people are growing up without ever having experienced unbroken conversations...phones have always come along."

Page 17: "We have learned that we get a neurochemical high from connecting. We recognize that we crave a feeling of being 'always on' that keeps us from doing our best, being our best."

Page 23: "If we are unable to be alone, we will be more lonely."

Page 24: "Research tells us that being comfortable with our vulnerabilities is central to our happiness, our creativity, and even our productivity."

Page 32: "If you are the penitent, you are called upon to put yourself in someone else's shoes. And if you are the person receiving the apology, you, too, are asked to see things from he other side so that you can move toward empathy. In a digital connection, you can sidestep all of this."

Page 36: "In conversations that could potentially take unexpected directions, people don't always try to get things 'right.' They learn to be surprised by the things they say. And to enjoy that experience."

Page 38: "We don't live in a silent world of no talk. But we drop in and out of talk we have...When talk becomes difficult or when talk turns to quiet, we've given ourselves permission to go elsewhere. To avoid life's challenges and boring bits."

Page 53: "But who said that a life without conflict, without being reminded of past mistakes, past pain, or one where you can avoid rubbing shoulders with troublesome people, is good?"

Page 56: "When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and less in control, our relationships, creativity, and productivity thrive."

Page 60: "But because we don't want to be sad, we push it away with our phones. So you never feel completely happy or completely sad. You just feel kind of satisfied with your products. And then... you die."

Page 61: "It's the capacity of solitude that allows you to reach out to others and see them as separate and independent. You don't need them to be anything other than who they are. This means you can listen to them and hear what they have to say... If you are comfortable with yourself, you can put yourself in someone else's place."

Page 65: "Solitude- the capacity to be contentedly and constructively alone."

Page 107: "Relationships deepen not because we necessarily say anything in particular but because we are invested enough to show up for another conversation... learn that what can matter most is not the information shared but the relationships sustained."

Page 125: "We become accustomed to seeing life as something we can pause in order to document it, get another thread running in it, or hook it up to another feed. We've seen that in all of this activity, we no long experience interruptions as disruptions. We experience them as connection. We seek them out, and when they're not there, we create them."

Page 169: "I want people to live in the moment for friendship. Don't come with your history or expectations. You should be able to start your relationship from where you are now."

Page 173: "Empathy means staying long enough for someone to believe that you want to know how they feel, not that you want to tell them what you would in their circumstance. Empathy requires time and emotional discipline."

Page 184: "And they were both committed to making it work, so they took the time to get to know each other.. Now, you are on your own. And if someone finds a fault in you, you're off the list. Next."

Page 196: "But getting to know other people, appreciating them, is not necessarily a task enhanced by efficiency. This is because people don't reveal themselves, deeply, in efficient ways. Things take time to unfold. There is a need for backtracking and repetition. There is a deepening of understanding when you have gone through the same thing twice, or more."

Page 220: "Having access to information is always wonderful, but without having at least some information retained in my brain, I am not able to build on those ideas or connect them together to form new ones."

Page 244: "But the value of what you produce, what you "make," in college is not just the final paper; it's the process of making it."

Page 245: "Most insist that they will know when they have to schedule a face-to-face meeting. They will know if something comes up that they can't take care of over Gchat. But my experience is that you really don't know when you are going to have an important conversation."

Page 274: "Now, the screens on our phones and laptops keep us apart, or at best, alone together, physically in the same space but isolated, with our minds on our devices."

Page 284: "We are called to be more intentional about the use of technology and the value of conversation."

Page 307: "The web promises to make our world bigger. But as it works now, it also narrows our exposure to ideas. We can end up in a bubble in which we hear only the ideas we already know. Or already like." "The most successful tyranny is not the one that uses force to assure uniformity, but the one that removes awareness of other possibilities."

Page 321: "Unitasking is key to productivity and creativity, Conversation is a human way to practice unitasking."

Page 326: "We can use our technology, all of our technology, with greater intention. We can practice getting closer to ourselves and other people."

Page 333: "He uses a public conversation to keep him open to changing his mind."

Page 347: "...learn that you can attach to people with trust, make some mistakes, and risk open conversations...talks with the inanimate (robots) are taking her in another direction: to a world without risk and without caring."

Page 361: "When people give themselves the time for self-reflection, they come to a deeper regard for what they can offer others."

Page 362: "...remember who we are -- creatures of history, of deep psychology, of complex relationships. Of conversations artless, risky, and face-to-face."

How to Win Friends & Influence People, By Dale Carnegie

Page 24: "Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application. There is no other way."

Page 25: "Hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing."

Page 5:" Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself."

Page 9: "Lincoln replied, 'Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.'"

Page 13: "When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."

Page 16: "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness,"

Page 17: "Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is 'the desire to be important.'"

Page 23: "The best way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement."

Page 28: "Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit."

Page 42: "The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition." "People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them."

Page 52: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

Page 57: "One can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them."

Page 67: "Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together: and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling..." "Everybody in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions." "It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.. different mental attitudes."

Page 69: "Drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handsclap. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then,...you will move straight to the goal." "Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual... Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude - the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer."

Page 73: "He knew how to handle people, and that is what made him rich."

Page 95: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."

Page 98: "The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely."

Page 99: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Page 114: "Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive." "Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry." "Listen first. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding."

Page 115: "When two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations."

Page 117: "If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it."

Page 118: "There's magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: 'I may be wrong.'"

Page 119: "Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased. Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy, and pride."

Page 126: "Dr. King replied, 'I judge people by their own principles - not by my own.'"

Page 134: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected."

Page 150: "Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things."

Page 159: "He didn't care about credit. He wanted results."

Page 161: "Try honestly to put yourself in his place... you will save yourself time and irritation."

Page 162: "That success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint."

Page 187: "The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel."

Page 188: "That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win."

Page 211: "A considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go as far toward alleviating the sting!"

Page 214: "I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself."

Page 219: "Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use."

**FINISHED 4/27/18**